THE BOOK OF STRIFE:
TATTLETALES OF DONNEYBROOK
Once upon a time before the next Millennium and all of the Y2K hoopla was proven to be a hoax, there was a place called Donnybrook.THE BOOK OF STRIFE: TATTLETALES OF DONNEYBROOK
Donnybrook was the name chosen by a group of fifth graders during a contest which took place before the new Millennium ever began and actually won't begin until New Year's Day 2001.
Once the new Millennium actually does arrive on New Year's Day 2001, this story will begin again, only then, it will be after the Millennium began.
Donnybrook was previously called something else nobody could remember and most all wanted to forget. The name Donnybrook was chosen as you now know by a group of fifth grade students. Yes, they really were students at a fifth grade level in a local elementary school. We verified this from a listing of Fake Pen board members who contributed heavily to each of the 1999 campaigns of the Fakette County commissioners elected to office by, as 1999-elected District Attorney Clancy Sermon has stated, "a majority of the voters."
Though reporters from the Fake Pens News were reluctant to divulge the names of the group of fifth graders who won the contest because all were the offspring of, or in some other way connected to, Fake Pen board members as we alluded to previously, the Book of Strife: Tattletales of Donneybrook, which you are now reading, provides a link to all of the board members and their analyzed signatures for you to determine for yourself who everyone really is and who they all may be related to.
These students will be the subject matter for a future novel, we are revealing here and now for the first time ever, an off-shoot of:
which you are now reading, and to be entitled:
THE YOUNG TATTLETALES OF DONNEYBROOK
Butt, on with the story, we try to get this stuff to boldly go forward, butt sometimes the code doesn't work correctly.
As a marketing tool to move the town whose former name nobody can remember, butt was now called, Donneybrook, and the entire county called Fakette into the future, more about Fakette County's history later, a contest was held in all of the local school districts. Students were asked to rename the community. And the group of fifth graders unanimously did it. We didn't tell you that before. Yes, the students did it unanimously. We throw in these tidbits now and then so as not to Gore-bore you. Fake Pens News reported the students did it anonymously, butt as we have informed you right here and now for the very first time ever, we have the connections to the connections which should show you who these students were. We're also going to write another book and tell you who they will become in the future. Presently, we know they are the young tattletales of Donneybrook, hence the title of the future novel about them.
",$,000" had been received directly from the governor of the state by the county of Fakette's lead economic development agency called Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust. We've mentioned Fake Pen News before and this is where the new name for the newspaper which was purchased by yes, now it really is anonymous, purchaser, came from. Now that dollar amount of "$,000" is all we have to go on and it's obtained from a report by Fake Pens News which we have provided another link for you and you can determine for yourself what is going on.
Much more than you ever wanted to know about the origin of Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust in another chapter which follows this one, duh, sometimes we fall into the trap of reiteration, since there are many media events participated in by the founder of Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust, Sherbert Ink. Don't you just love that name? More about how Sherbert Ink has revealed he feels about his name later.
Fake Pen reportedly got together with community lebders rather quickly to determine how to get a number of projects done with the same free grant money.
There were just a few strings attached to the state money of "$,000", though, for the politically-correct appearance of it, and some of the strings were dependent upon federal mandates, too. Butt the federal mandates were acknowledged to be fake requirements during a meeting of the Fakette County commissioners. Now this is the really interesting part here because fiction and fact often are mistaken for each other.
One commissioner, who switched from Republican to Democrat to Independent to Democrat within a period of two-election cycles and many a time called "Scam Covenugh" during meetings by those the media biased media dubbed, "self-appointed citizen activists," or "naysayers," raised his hand during the meeting and said, ","Speak to the hand, cause the face ain't hearing younz."
"Scam Covenugh" the commissioner, kept raising his hand all the while he was speaking, repeating several times, "There are no penalties if we don't follow the law, so let's don't. Fake Pen is a non-profit, a non-profit doesn't have to follow the same laws a for-profit has to follow, either."
That was how the public learned that the Fakette County commissioners didn't have to follow the law because there were no penalties, and neither did Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust because it was a non-profit.
"Scam Covenugh" who once, twice, three, and maybe four times, vowed to "never, ever, ever turn over any Fakette county land to Fake Pen Economic Development Charitable Trust," voted with his Democrat colleagues to turn over Fakette County's cool half-million economic development revolving loan fund to Fake Pen during a previous commissioners' meeting to the one where other things happened.
In an unprecedented move toward the future, at the same meeting where the cool $,000 was turned over to Fake Pen, Fake Pen revealed the Charitable Trust had conducted a study with a portion of the state grant to be received soon to conduct the contest to rename the town and for other things.
At this meeting of which we are now reading, Fake Pen officials highlighted how they had bought thousands of acres of Fakette county land at county tax sales during the month preceding the contest, though they claimed no state monies were used, only private money, and at the meeting Fake Pen officials revealed that the study determined that it was in its best interests to name all of the land Fake Pen Upscale.
At around this same time, you now know, Fake Pen chose the group of select fifth grade students that best represented Fakette, all of whom's fathers and mothers reportedly were either board members of Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust, or worked for other enterprises of Fake Pen. The fifth grade students who were chosen were the same ones known to have talked and laughed about the uproarious Fakette County commissioners' and their meetings televised on SMCTV.
A few students were known to have called the commissioner (who often raised his hand during commissioners' meetings and said, "Speak to the hand, because the face ain't listening,") the same names many a "self-appointed citizen activist" or "naysayer" called the finger waving commissioner, "Scam Covenugh."
The grant money from the state definitely had to be spent during the school years preceding the dawn of the new Millennium, and the money had to be spent on the school children who resided in the area before the dawn of the new Millennium.
The economic development revolving loan fund transferred from the county by a unanimous vote of the Fakette County commissioners had no strings attached and could be spent however and whenever, as it obviously later was revealed to have been spent on purchasing tax sale properties.
The students submitted unanimously the duplicitous name of the town as Donnybrook as the uproarious Fakette County commissioners had often engaged in numerous donnybrooks and the students learned the meaning of the word very quickly and proceeded to begin to engage in fist-fighting among themselves as a learning experience.
Fake Pen gave each of the students a college scholarship to the college endowed over the years by the philanthrowpick, Sherbert Ink, founder of Fake Pen.
Donnybrook you may not yet know is nestled near counties called Allegoony and Westsoreland which received more millions in certain grant monies from the state because those counties have more people than Donnybrook, but who received less monies than Fakette because Fakette has always had more people classified as above the 100 percent poverty level.
CHAPTER TWO: FAKE PEN'S STREET OF GOLD PROJECT FOR ALL OF FAKETTE
Over this year here's Labor Day Weekend, and naturally as you know before the dawn of the new Millennium, officials of Fake Pen gathered together for a picnic luncheon at the town of Donnybrook's central meeting place, called Street of Gold. The meeting was announced so that Fake Pen officials could announce their recent project which would encompass every nook and cranny of Fakette, even those areas which have hidden mineral resources in the ground not yet taxed as required by the law of the land. At the picnic luncheon, picnic tables painted with Fake Pen's trademark fake gold were arranged in an attractive arrangement atop the fake street bricked with the same trademark fake gold clay bricks which had originally made Fake Pen's name a household word in the town of Donnybrook, called something else before a group of fifth graders chose the new name. The meeting place, a street paved with fake gold-colored clay bricks, is located between two historical buildings which, according to Fake Pen officials, would never be demolished to widen the street which was to be and has proven to be a tourism draw for Donnybrook, according to the same Fake Pen officials.
The meeting opened with remarks by Fake Pen's founder, Sherbert Ink. Ink recalled the glory days of Fake Pen and regurgitated why Fake Pen is called Fake Pen and why everyone in all of Fakette should be thankful for Fake Pen's Economic Charitable Trust. Fake Pen started as a small company in the town renamed Donnybrook in a recent scholastic contest sponsored by Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust. Fakette, Ink recalled, was named Fakette because of the gold-colored clay found in the streams of the entire county. Legend claims that a lazy gold prospector didn't want to travel to California in the Gold Rush days and so the prospector wanting to make a fortune easily used the gold-colored clay to make fake gold-colored nuggets to sell, he claimed, at a loss. The idea made the county well known for its fake gold nuggets, and so history was made when the whole county was incorporated as Fakette.
Sherbert Ink was born and grew up in Fakette and all of his life he wanted to develop something which would make Fakette not only well known for its fake gold nuggets, but famous for something else, too, and Sherbert also wanted his family to be proud of him, he said during the luncheon. One day, Sherbert mulled over his given name, Sherbert. The family never gave him a reason for the odd name and sometimes his classmates would taunt him with the jingle, "ice cream, ice cream, we all scream for ice cream. We fart when we eat sherbert." Sherbert was fake ice cream to the kids of Fakette. Sherbert's surname of Ink wasn't too bad, he said while recalling the germ of his idea, and that one day he kept repeating and repeating, "fake ink, fake ink, fake ink," he said.
"That's when I got the idea to design a pen with fake gold-colored ink," he said. The Fake Pen idea made Sherbert Ink "a wealthy man over fifty years ago," he said. Each decade since, Sherbert Ink found new ways to use the fake gold color on everything from bricks to everything else. It all culminated in the formation of the Fake Pen Economic Charitable Trust, now the county of Fakette's lead economic development agency, and the opening of the Street of Gold paved in the fake gold color.
Sherbert Ink also thanked his employees during the luncheon. If it weren't for them, Fake Pen would not be an innovator in the community, branching into an array of community-minded projects such as the current project to make the whole county of Fakette a tourism mecca just like the Street of Gold in Donnybrook.
"Community," said Sherbert Ink many times during the picnic luncheon which included fake gold embroidered napkins, "an aggregate of people who share a common interest in a particular locality..., territorially-based social organizations, and social activity."
The picnic luncheon ended mid-day with the band dressed in fake gold suits designed to look like gold nuggets playing the music loud enough to be heard all around Donnybrook, the county of Fakette's county seat as you have surmised.
Fay-Penn also received special recognition for its involvement in the federal Enterprise Community program. Debi Hanna, Fayette Enterprise Community manager, said the local program received national recognition at the annual Rural Community Development National Training Conference held June 6-8 in Maryland. Officials from the Office of Community Development and the U.S. Department of Agriculture presented Fay-Penn with the Midas Touch Award for round II communities in the program.
CHAPTER THREE: FAKETTE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE RELEASES REPORT TO URGE FAKETTE COMMISSIONERS TO DO A REASSESSMENT SO FAKETTE CAN HAVE MORE TAXPAYERS' MONEY TO WORK WITH FOR ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT
The reporte from the Fakette Chamber of Commerce has stunned the community of Fakette. For the first time in recorded history of the county that adopted a name change before the new Millennium, the powers that be behind the county's elected officials have publicly released a document which tells the commissioners exactly what to do and even when to do it.
The first thing the new Millennium county commissioners must do according to the new report is to conduct a reassessment of the county property tax assessment.
The feat must get underway by the end of the year 2000, some scholars assert that the year 2001 is actually when the new Millennium begins anyway for real, so Fakette County could still claim to be ahead of the new Millennium with their action, if taken.
The report's recommendation Number One is worded in this way:
BEGIN THE PROPERTY TAX REASSESSMENT PROCESS AS RECOMMENDED BY THE COLE LAYERF TRUMBLE REPORT, BY THE END OF 2000.
The primary purpose of a reassessment is to provide a fair and equitable system and reduce any undue burden on taxpayers. The Cole Layerf Trumble study also indicates that in the long run reassessment will also improve the county's financial position.
Consider these facts about the Fakette County real property tax system:
- The average percent of assessment error (co-efficient of dispersion) is 48-49 percent, meaning that there is nearly a 50 percent chance that a property's assessment is inaccurate. The standard according to the Commonwealth Court is 15-20 percent.
- Ten years between re-assessments is considered the maximum appropriate period in the Commonwealth. Fakette County's system is 41 years od.
- The law requires that property be valued at its current market value. Our current 41-year old system does not reflect current fair market value, and does not provide tax equality to our citizens.
- Inaccurate figures of real property value affect the county's borrowing positon.
- According to legal opinions, a reassessment may be court-ordered, and it is unlikely that Fakette County could defend its current system. While the cost of the reassessment - estimated at between $2.5-$3 million - will probably require a long-term bond issue, the longer we wait, the more costly it becomes. Court costs may need to be included if court-ordered.
The need for a property tax reassessment is an economic development issue that impacts the future of our residents and our children. Our current residents and business people, as well as new residents and new or relocating businesses, have a right to a fair and equitable taxation system. Furthermore, an equitable system, with reliable, up-to-date procedures and information will provide more stability for financial decision-making.
READ THIS RECOMMENDATION CAREFULLY:
The Board of Commissioners should prepare for and implement a countywide reassessment.
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